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i have sat peacefully with the Lord. i gave up my own thoughts to think more like Jesus, less like me. i rested with Jesus to ponder more graciously about Him, to allow His abundant amount of grace to wash over my soul, to swim freely in His ocean of love, to bury myself in His lungs filled with breath. i have discovered the most freeing sensation through Him these past few months, a love that has deeply rooted inside of my being, that flourishes daily, with growing petals that sing His name.
but first - sitting in complete silence waiting for the Lord to call on my name is scary, awkward, and gut wrenching. i longed to hear the truth from Jesus to settle into my heart, the truth that God desires to pour into me. and most of the time, it is hard. it is hard to settle myself into a vulnerable position, to let God completely captivate all control over me, to give myself up so effortlessly to Him. it is difficult to admit brokenness in places that desperately need healing. it is frightening to allow Jesus to heal even when i thought i had it completely under control. it is consuming to save time for myself at the end of the day, to let myself breathe and reflect where i am. it is exhausting to unleash my heart in front of Jesus' feet and cry for Him.
but cradling myself into His resting arms has been the most beautiful experience. i lied down right beside Him, welcomed Him into my home, and i straightened the edges of our shared blanket. Jesus was not temporary, He is so permanent inside of me. He is alive because i have seen love sprout from the broken cracks inside of my being. in places i never thought would see a glimpse of joy ever again. God continues to amaze me - taking me from a difficult season of pain to a blissful season of beauty. God completely sent my soul on fire and sent me face first into a reckless love. this is the type of falling that does not hurt, rather restores and glorifies the harder the fall. He relentlessly pursued me every day when i could not fight the battle on my own. i learned to lay my burdens at His feet, crawl into His presence, and witness the beauty of true love. i learned how to love in new ways by growing with Him, reading His word, worshiping Him. i learned to envision the world through a new light in Him by submerging myself completely in His timing, His will. i learned to lay myself down and to freely give myself to Him by fighting for my soul, by lavishing myself in His word, by believing the power of prayer, by following the paths He laid out for my life.
i fell into His grace face first. i feel free, absolutely liberated. i pray daily i will continue to fall face first in love with Jesus and see His light that He radiates. here i am, exuberant with Him, continuing to worship Him, praise Him, admire Him even in the midst of painful healing, through the season of ebullient growth. i am exploding with His love because i trusted His plans above my own, i melted into His arms.
God, i am rushing home to you.
"may we never lose our wonder / wide eyed and mystified / may we be just like a child staring at the beauty of our King"
